HIGHS&LOWS

I pray for a

Father Dylan, to be my secret Fairy Godmother.

Shawn disturbed me yesterday when I was trying to ‘think about life’ (quoted  from Jing) but it was a very good disturbance. Haha. I ended up sleeping at 3am though I planned to sleep at 1am. And talking to him made me realise that throughout this holiday, I have become really very vulgar. I love saying Fuck. Ohwell.

Grr.

Driving was !@@!# fun today I think MrSoh is PMSing too much in the morning. Heh.

I found out something and Im quite disturbed but I’m not actually bothered do you get what I mean? Haha.

And Cheryl is so evil please !

And and, Korean class has been great, though the grammar part can get a tad tricky and confusing (okay, VERY confusing, such that it sends me to la-la land). I’m enjoying it much to my delight. And yes, now 4/5 of ahtommees can speak Korean (man nan soh pan kap si mi da!) Think secret conversation among ourselves) while 1/5 shall desperately teach the rest of us Jap? :D

So evil. -pouts.

I lost Miss Faith, but I still have Mr Strength with me. I’m going to muster all my molecules to build a pillar of support to tide me through this bad tiring time.

Now that the tears have stopped coming.

Thanks to everyone that particular night, those whom I have bugged to listen to my testimonials, those I have yelled and threw a tantrum at, and to Zak, thanks for the blog entry.

Kelyn, for constantly reminding me that my family loves me no matter what I do.

Sis, to tell me that she loves me so much and told me to be strong though she needs strength herself.

Sushi, for letting me cry into her fur when things really got too hard to carry on.

Jing, for telling me random dongbang stuff and it cracks me up.

Weiyang, for helping me ask his prof stuff.

Shawn, for helping me write an essay which I don’t understand.

Suhtyng, for the message with the *hugs* that is so not like her and keep reminding me that she will be there at whatever time. Thanks.

Yingchern, for helping me read my essays too, and yupping to whatever Suhtyng said. Hahaha.

This kind of pain, is much more than losing a boyfriend you love so much. I think its almost tantamount to losing a family member to death, at least to me. I’m not being overly dramatic, but being someone who had faithfully stuck to convention, now I have to choose a path out of the ‘usual’ way, is simply, owch. Like I’m being pulled apart from the rest of the world by an imaginary surgery without anaesthesia.

I am those kind of person who will lose her confidence when her life goes awry. So now you know why I don’t want to go SIM or private unis?

NUS appeal starts soon.

I’ve fucked up big time.

The tears need to stop coming, because I need to focus.

But it really wont stop. It is really hard.

Why won’t any of my friends play with me?

What is probably worse than failing yourself, is when you fail someone who had so much faith in you.

Thank you, Mummy, for all the support you have given me. Really, thanks.

I know that you always have the highest hope in me. I know you are getting frustrated and even more distress when I present my act-like-I-don’t-really-care self to your anxiety. I know you are hurting so much inside even when you kept on smiling and telling me that I’m a strong girl and could tide through all these shit.

Even though I gave you hell for pestering them, I’m actually really more thankful than you ever thought I will be.

Just so you know, I’m hiding my true feelings so that you won’t see how scared and afraid I am. I won’t open the letter boxes so that the truth will be hidden for a longer time. I hate myself so much that I wish i could disappear.

But something is asking me to go on. And I will.

In the midst of all these shite, something that uncannily resembles the warzone, I need all the support I could get. Thanks Mum, Kel and the girls. Today’s gathering had been awesome, albeit the envy when listening to you guys, it was great help and therapeutic.

Something was fishy when I saw it and I could still smile. Mych smiles when she’s hurting the most. Isn’t denial the best solace to reside in?

I’m running the final lap now, so tell me good luck everyone? :D

Don’t we all share a love-hate relationship with songs that carries a special meaning?

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but i just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

I wish to sing this song, with you, all over again. And I do suddenly miss your hugs.

-

I met my dream guy today. Okay, save that I dunno his personaility, his looks and height are really what I am asking for. And he has the sexiest voice please. And he ate his sandwich with extra cheese. Haha I always find guys who add extra cheese to their sandwich super yummy haha but guys who add extra bacon super disgusting. I come up with weird analogies sometimes :|

Tuition today is funnily irritating. ( By the way I’m in love with oxymorons now haha ) Daniel keep insisting that area is length x breadth x 2 and if you wanna find one side of a square which area is 144cm2, you must use 144cm2 divided by 2 then dunno plus and minus here and there to get the answer. With his own very own logic to support and all I could manage was a huge HUH? when he finished speaking. Haha. So much for my claims that I hate people who goes HUH? Haha.

Tonight was the last night of the opening show (byebye Ilotope! :D:D) and last night of me doing crowd control at boat quay with the crazy bunch of people with herd instincts. Damn, this old man called Serene and I ‘brainless’ and both of us walked off with FUCK coming out of our mouths once we were out of earshot. How how vulgar we are but if you are there you just CANNOT HELP IT lahhh.

My job also includes handing out NEWater and its so amusing how people reacts to the word free. We all suffered really disappointing responses to our free water because apparantly our advertising technique is all wrong. Instead of saying “Hi, would you like some water?”, shouting crudely “YO FREE WATER LEH!” into people’s faces definitely proved to be much much better. Haha. The latter saw people DEMANDING for water and their faces simply seemed to be lit up by a lightbulb. It goes “Ting!” at the word free. haha.

Haha so apart from the anal old people and standing too much, I definitely have a fun time cursing anals with Serene, Cheryl and Charlene, trying to watch the last show despite the audiences today are ALL uncanniliy tall. I also amused myself by trying to act like those macho heroines from Cisco and chase people down the trees. Haha. And Cheryl was damn kewt. She was supposed to ask people to come down from the railings but she went and ask them to be careful instead -.- Oh oh and our usual unofficial gathering while Ivy made her final speech was as funny as usual though we really talked nothing that made sense anyway. haha.

The next time I will probably see them will be Hydrosapiens at Bedok. Otherwise I’m pretty much alone or with one partner. Sian. Outreaching is so lonely.

Found another SA senior, Alwyn, and Shaun’s friend with Ivy. The world is so FREAKING SMALLSZXASD.

Tomorrow will probably see me going to Raffles Place, Sembawang and finally crystal jading with the andvballers. Hopefully a fruitful day but I’m falling sick and am too tired I hope I wont back out on any of it last minute.

I will be ZzZing now not for the stupid Taiwan Show.

Anyway, i’m opening up my house for gatherings tomorrow because I’ll be left alone at home while the family go genting geez so if you miss me haha please tell me I want you here at my house.

See, obviously my brain has become bimbohtically pathetic haha.

How I wish this week’s horoscope is true and

somethings are left like this: a beautiful mess.

Ohmygod.

I just saw the nicest pair of legs and butt just now. Its really long and calves muscles are almost non existant. The colour is just right and it is those kind of nice nice V shape legs.

Damn.

( Sorry, I’m straight and not perverse but there is nothing you could do besides people watch on the MRT. (pronounced MERT) )

Haha, but I was betting to myself the owner of those legs should be somewhat average looking and I was right ! I always knew God is fair. Haha.

-Looks at own pudgy face and fat hairy thighs- Hmmm. Maybe not. Sometimes he will forget to put good things into some people’s profile. Like mine. ):

Today’s crowd was awesome. They sat down when told to save for a few irksome old fools. Thank you, people. Haha. Cheryl and I decided to ditch our jobs and watch the show. Haha. Then when we were supposed to pick up litter, the group of us decided to stroll along Boat Quay and stroll back till it was debrief time. i think Christie wanna kill us already. Sorry lah. Heh.

I think Boat Quay is my second home already.

Oh ya, RafflesPlace is freakingly eerily scary on Sats and Suns. You can’t even find decent bread there damnit.

Then we happily stepped into Six Star Fullerton Hotel to change. Haha. Most of the guests were shocked to see such a rowdy smelly bunch of orange people terrorising their hotel toilet. But it was so fun lah. Can talk about shoes hair makeup shirt (Wha, Ralph Lauren leh ! going clubbing ah? No, Home) etc etc. Create some scandals here and there, awesome. Haha. I love the night view I love the job despite the build up of Latic acid in my calves. ):

Cheryl and I were Japanese class classmates. She was the short hair quiet PLMGS girl who can’t remember me. But we all remembered Landis. Weird. and Justine. Haha, I realised it when I pictured her in PL uniform and went OHMYGOD.

I’m tired of feeling hungry and finding no food at home. And I’m craving for filet-0-fish.

Zzzz time.

Dear Yingchern, this shall serve as a reminder for you that FAIRYTALES HAVE HAPPY ENDINGS, so what should be ending is your NIGHTMARE. NIGHTMARE OKAY? Nightmares are dreams that you vomit over and flush down the toilet bowl in the morning or after crying to your mum. So, forget about nightmare! We will both forget about nightmares !

Haha, started my stint for Singapore Arts Fest. On Thursday, all the FAs thought that wha so sengnang ah this job get paid for talking only. Then, we realised DAMN ITS A DAMN STUPID JOB today, which was the opening night. I nearly broke down because of this @!$(!$*!(@ uncle who refuses to sit down because he will faint, so he claimed. Haha. And another group of @))$@@ aunties who refused to get off the bench cos “we cant see what”. Bellytoot, there is a million other people BEHIND you who can’t see the performance because you think your butt is too precious to touch the bellytootish floor damn. You can’t help but want to slap these people and give them THE FINGER.

On the other hand, Charlene is like this macho woman who went around threatening people with security guards when they don’t listen to her. Lmao, MY HERO PLEASE !

Anyway the performance really rocked. Although I feel damn cheated because today’s programme was soo much nicer than yesterdays but I only could watch it yesterday. People free tomorrow or Sunday night, please come down to watch the show (it has FIREWORKS and a super chim storyline heh) and talk to me. I’m one speaker from THE BIRD )

It’s a supah tiring day today please. Driving in the morning saw me threatening the lives of Bukit Batokians again. Mr Soh wanted to murder me for driving into the curb already la. Anybody with strategies to not sleep during driving please let me know, although I think that I’m the only one who contracted this weirddish disease.

Then I headed down to Raffles Place to do the afternoon stint. With Macadam Piano. He’s such a poor thing you know? Imagine those cold weather in Europe? They have to perform under the idiotic hot sun today. You should have seen him - his face was redder than a tomato ! I really thought that he would faint. Haha but he is really really marvellous. The tunes were catchy and he was a crowd pleaser. Brilliant ! People working at Raffles, Mon-Fri 1pm will have various performances so do come and watch ! Haha i think I’ve built muscles carrying the signboard around. Urg.

Due to this stupid hot weather, the performers were afraid that the piano will somehow melt under the menancing sun (rain is so much better!), so Din and I had to find ice packs for the piano. Layla had to go off to meet some friends. Wha I tell you, we went from Dhoby Gaut’s Carrefour to Suntec’s Carrefour second floor to Suntec’s Carrefour first floor then back to Suntec’s Carrefour second floor and WE STILL COULDNT FIND THE ICE PACK DAMN. In the end, we bought it at…. TADA ! GUARDIAN. Ohmygod. Like what smart asses we are.

That’s actually the highlight of my day you see. Din is actually the president for the 05 batch !! Haha, at first when I saw his name I am like familiarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr so I went to ask him cos actually Weiliang told me already. Haha, so we had a great afternoon chatting about SAJCBAND stuff and other issues. Lol. The world is so small !

and Weiliang was also from SAJC. Shijie’s senior from dance and he is performing for Rapture this year. Marvellous. The world is so small aint it?

Oh, and Layla talked to me about the universities stuff. Really motivational lah she, THANKS ALOT BABE ! Her story itself is damn dramatic already and she keep encouraging me to go after passion instead of just hoping to get into any course in uni as long as I can go uni. I should do something that fits with my gift because my gift is always stuck with me, so I will probably stick to that something right? So true. But she got me thinking, I dunno why talking to her always do. Haha. But still, I’m still really praying that I wont get rejected by all three unis. Its too sad to be true.

Ah I’m so hungry and tired but my mum did not buy my dinner back for me. At 1235, I havent taken my dinner. Damn. Gonna go drink some milk. I think I’m gonna die of milk overdosage. Haha ! Hopefully tomorrow I don’t meet anal people and see more of my friends. My prayers are never answered. ):

The Letter A
Are you available?: Yes, and no. Haha. So enigmatic, I am. :D
What is your age?: NINETEEN !
What annoys you?: almost everything when I have a migraine.

The Letter B
Do you live in a big house?: Small, yet big. HAHA.
When is your birthday?: 25th March, There i’ve said it. No excuses now.
Who is your best friend?: I can’t say loads but I do have quite a few. God blesses.

The Letter C
What’s your favorite candy?: I don’t have a sweet tooth ! Haha.
Who’s your crush?: So many ! Chace, Jae, Ho, Min, Channing, Robert Hoffman.
When was the last time you cried?: Few weeks ago.

The Letter D
Do you daydream? Oooh, I think I could make it into an occupation
What’s your favorite kind of dog?: I have a shihtzu. But I heart Malteses ! Like Mangi !

What day of the week is it?: Sundays.

The Letter E
How do you like your eggs?: Look at my title. Haha. I love eggs anyhow !
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Yeah, three memorable times.
What’s the easiest thing ever to do?: For me? Screwing up things.

The Letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane?: Yupp. Not enough times though, sadly.
Do you use fly swatters?: Nope. What are they ?
Have you ever used a foghorn?: Foghorn?

The Letter G
Do you chew gum?: Yeah. It prevent cativity right?
Are you a giver or a taker?: Give and take. Take alot from my parents. Haha.
Do you like gummy candies?: Only the Cocacola ones !

The Letter H
How are you?: Could be better.
What color is your hair?: Black. Everything of mine is Black. Haha
The Letter I
What’s your favorite ice cream?: Those with loads of nuts and chocolate stuff inside.
Have you ever ice skated?: Yeah! I can do ten rounds !
Do you play an instrument?: Yuppers. Euphonium and piano. And recorder haha !

The Letter J
What’s your favorite jelly bean brand?: i dont like jellybeans.
Do you wear jewelry?: Nope. I feel suffocated with them so I try to avoid them.

The Letter K
Who do you want to kill?: People in charge of admissions at NTU, NUS and SMU
Do you want kids?: Yeah. I like them adopted.
Where did you go for kindergarten?: Gaililee Kindergarten

The Letter L
Are you laid back?: Haha. Depends. Over issues like my bro’s studies, I’m definitely not laid back.
Do you lie?: No. Haha, see I just did. :|

The Letter M
Whats your favorite movie?: For now it is.. What happened in Vegas. Haha
Do you still watch Disney movies?: YES ! I LOVE THEM !
Do you like mangos?: Yuppers. If there is someone to cut it for me.

The Letter N
Do you have a nickname?: Yah.
What is your real name?: Michelle Ngui Yuan Xian
Whats your favorite number?: 17. No reason.
Do you prefer night over day?: Night. I’m a night person.

The Letter O
What’s your one wish?: For now, somewhere to head to in August.

The Letter P
What one fear are you most paranoid about?: About not being able to wake up in the morning. Haha.
What’s a personality trait you look for in people?: The Up-For-Anythingness

The Letter Q
What’s your favorite quote?: The three words that say about life: It goes on
Are you quick to judge people?: I try not to, but I do.
Do you think you’re always right?: Lol no.
Are you one to cry?: At anything lol !

The Letter S
Do you prefer sun or rain?: Rain. I wish it rains everyday. Okay. Maybe not. I wish it rains at night.

Do you like snow?: OHMFG. YES. It just so fleetingly beyooteeful. :D:D
What’s your favorite season?: Autumn. Just nice. People don’t die during Autumn, you realise?

The Letter T
What time is it?: 2121 OHMYGOD.
What time did you wake up?: 1200 *sheepish grin
When was the last time you slept in a tent?: I think some bandcamp with AMB. Can’t remember. The one that I set ants all over the tent LMAO.

The Letter U
Are you wearing underwear?: LOL WHO DOESNT.
Underwear or boxers?: Boxers.

The Letter V
What’s the worst veggie?: Bittergourd.
Where do you want to go on vacation?: I always say Kenya but I realised I want to go there to help people so I guess it will be Japan for now.

The Letter W
What’s your worst habit?: Worrying. and Eating.
Where do you live?: The Little Red Spot. (Or isit dot?)
What’s your worst fear?: .. Fear.

The Letter X
Have you ever had an x-ray?: Yeah.
Have you seen the x-games?: Yupp. But seldom larh.
Do you own a xylophone? Haha those kiddish ones. With rainbow colours.

The Letter Y
Do you like the color yellow?: Yah. Haha. Cept when writing on papers.
What’s one thing you yearn for?: To complete this studious cycle smoothly.

The Letter Z
Whats your zodiac sign?: Aries.
Do you believe in the zodiac?: It is true. Too eerie.
Favorite zoo animal?: Penguins. Kangaroos?

Ahh, so bored I stunned this Meme from Yijuns blog to do. I wish I’m doing something constructive now. Somehow I feel like I’m idling my life away.

You know sometimes it is just so evident that a person is hurting? Even though they may be smiling so hard their face seems to crack, the hurting aura just seemed to be radiating from them. When I come across these people, I don’t know what to feel. Whether to tell them, hey just cry? or just to let it go simply because living under the facade is making life easier for them. I may be thinking too much, but do that, look a little closer at the smiles of the people around you. Secrets can be hidden but concern for them can be discreetly given. And when people are hurting so much or have been hurt so deep that they can’t show it, such support is definitely welcomed.

Because to some, time simply don’t heal the wounds for them.

Ta, tomorrow is the preview of the opening of Arts Festival. Do pop down Singapore river if you can !

They say when you love somebody, you should set him free.
They say if you hate somebody, you should slam the door in his face!

On 18th May 2008,

The JayTwos with WHATSOEVER THINGS ! SEE MY SECTION ! :D:D

The 0607 batch ! The boys with the bohtak heads and the girls with beautiful hair :D

Eupho girls of 0607, Mych, HuiHong aka EVIL WITCH Joey

“Eh Whalau, you changed so much then, now you changed even more! “
“…..” (pardon my fargly face)

Okay, after millions of delays, seriously MILLIONS HAHA we just couldnt leave that place, we decided to go our separate ways. Some went to Timbre, I think, while some of us headed to Macs to yak. And take photos.

Obviously we failed. But Fung’s face is in every picture rather CLEARLY. Lol. Speak about being camera ready. :|

So Yimei&Mindy decided to take a photo of themselves. “Hey, we look good together!”

By the way, Saints De Muzica was amahzing. Although the concert pieces weren’t really my type besides Celtic, the band sounded really great (gawsh, the tbones) and I’m really really proud of the juniors and juniors’ juniors for coming such a long way. As in accomplishing such a tone, is Whoa. Haha. The Musical was beautiful, corny and HILARIOUS (think Genie, Villians, Bagayaga and Tau’s Where are you going? I’m going to die moment). I keep bugging Fung, Who is the scriptwriter?!?! Hahaha.

It was truly music and fun intergrated. Awch.

Another highlight was DBSK’s Hollywood Bowl performance which some scandals arose. Haha i’m still in the midst of backtracking the Thread and finding some fancams that are not drowned in Fans’ screams. But hell, the boys looked way to dangerous to be on earth that night. GAWSH.

In all this excitement, I decided to bring Sushi down for a walk (Or rather, run -.-)

And she thanked me by tangling my with her leash. Damn.

Haha, rather distracted update but, its Gossip Girl’s night !

Went to read my yaplog entries.

Damnit, feel like crying. )’:

Is there really no way to get those times back ? Because I really want to.

And I’m damn angry today I couldnt have dinner with Ahtommees and Candice, but I’m glad I made it for Accuracy of Death . It was nice, albeit boring part in the middle, and apparantly I fell alseep halfway.

Ah, Bandconcert tomorrow. To all SAJC BAND MEMBERS PERFORMING TOMORROW ! HWAITING YO ! :D:D I know I wont be disappointed :D:D

And, to all SAJCBAND MEMBERS NOT PERFORMING TMR, CANT WAIT TO SEE ALL OF YOU GUYS ! and please don’t say I’m obese though I am. ):

Oh, I am contributing to global warming you know? Just by being Me. I am. Damn, I love the earth but I’m contributing to global warming. Damn.

I wanna stop reading, but I cant. Just because, relieving the memories leaves a bittersweet taste in your mind.