HIGHS&LOWS

Pugs can hardly smile can they.

And I am feeling like a pug right now.

I want to stop crying into my pillows. I want to stop feeling so horrible at night. I want to stop feeling as though no one cares. I want to stop feeling that I’m a misfit and a unfortunate incident. I want to stop feeling like I am an alien who accidentally chanced upon earth and can’t find a way home. I want to love Life more than I already do, and actually do something for it. I want to stop cursing God for making me ME and not somebody else. I want someone to tell me that I’m fine as I am, and smile at them wholeheartedly, instead of thinking they are probably lying, and why are they lying. I want to feel contented and sing like how LocoRoco sings on my psp. I want to stop feeling that people are gagging behind my back, when they actually could spare a moment and notice my existance. I want to stop worrying about the future. I want to love the world, I really do. I want to learn how to appreciate little actions that actually meant alot. I want to see the world like how my mum does. I want to be contented. I want to choose a whole new different path to walk on but still meeting the people I’ve met. I want to trace back my mistakes and change them. I want to stop looking at other people’s lives and think, wow, I wish I were like them.

I want to stop wanting.

Happy songs make me flinch - things are that bad.

And I really hate it when people blog about how sad their lives are because I cant see why cant they just come to terms and embrace it. 

And what am I doing ? Practising what I preach.

I am not wallowing in self pity.

I just need a moment to myself, despite the nights that I spent wondering too much.

No, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

I can’t live if living is without you
I can’t give, I can’t give anymore
Can’t live if living is without you
Can’t give, I can’t give anymore