It is Nothing But A Lie

I’m down with runny nose that trickles water instead of mucus, a cough, and a migraine and burning eyes. Ernst called me that The Company was looking for me because they don’t know where I was. I’m in eighteenth level of shit now but its all my fault, isn’t it? I should have the common sense to email more than one person although i only knew one email, have the common sense to take leave on Friday because I will fall ill on Monday, have the common sense to know who I’m supposed to tell when I wanna take MC besides my supervisor when nobody told me. It’s damn shit man - I dunno what else to say except that I just wish that I am not too late for the Hall camp so that I have an excuse to leave earlier. But then again, before I leave I do not know who I’m supposed to inform or tell - Claud advises HR and my department. Hokay, after that am I supposed to write a letter or is it by mouth? I have heard enough stories of them cheating on payslips and I have already suffered the shock of a blatantly meagre amount of pay and I wonder should I just quit without notice and let all my time and effort just go to waste SINCE it is going to anyway.

Speaking of another Company (uncannily another Government body), they have not paid me my salary yet after the contract had ceased for almost one month. It is not a huge sum, but still an amount of about three hundred bucks (fuck I could almost buy the whole Orangebear), and they have not paid me. Could it be because I didnt turn up for the last stint when they asked me not to go because I had cramps on opening night and hence AUTOMATICALLY I have breached the contract and I WONT GET MY PAY? Hello, I had faithfully turned up for all the other stints (Almost 16 days), put up with the rubbish that you made us go through, the INSULT that I could not speak properly, starved for three hours just for the sake of turning up in time for work, and now you didn’t let me attend the last stint and TADA I AM IN THE WRONG and not deserving of my pay? I do not see the logic AT ALL.

God, people, next time before you get all hyped up about working for a Government Body, think twice. Your pay is meagre and you put up with shite and THEN YOU DO NOT GET YOUR FREAKING PAY. Wha, so much for democracies, a certain government is actually PRO SLAVERY. I feel cheated on and when people now speak to me about how wonderful a certain government is, I would really say NO.

I can feel the hair boiling on, sorry that should be blood boiling, in my body system. On top of that, Tresha Joella is in someone elses’ hands now and although its really for her own good, I feel uber insecure without her by my side. God knows what will happen to my JaeJoong’s pictures and if they are gone I think I really could murder.

After that enthusiasm about going to university the previous entry, now I’m feeling with dread and fear. I do not know if I’m making the right choice because I have always been someone who is keen on a new start, keeping my new life away from the old. I start to doubt if doing this would ultimately give me a chance to do what I want with blithe.  Suddenly I wish I am embarking on this journey independently so that I could escape from my ugly self from the past and evolve into something new (yes, I really hate myself). It is so selfish and weird to think like this because I have marvellously superb friends but then again, going to uni is some sort like starting anew right? By doing what I have done, I feel like I am going to be judged in that same coloured glasses (which gives me a very itchy feeling that scratching cannot resolve) and feel really suffocated.

Gabriella (so smart, Mych, quote Disney Channel people) once said, “Don’t you sometimes wish that you were back in kindergarten and that you can be anyone you want to be when you make friends with someone new?”

 Apart  from that, I feel as though I am invading on other people’s privacy and friendship, like an awkward duck making friends with roses and I just feel really bad about it - Perhaps they just don’t want me there.

Oh man. I wish I’m back in Anderson Sec all over again ):