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refuse to let my life be dictated by foodnames anymore bwahhaaaa phwoarrr!!

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falling slowly

this song is about going to a party with your girlfriend,
and she goes away to go to the toilet or something,
and you are standing there on your own.

then you look across the room and you saw a girl you utterly fancy
it is not mental, it is just physical

then you realise it is your girlfriend
and it was like chi chink!

– Glen Hansard

I don’t know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can’t react
And games that never amount
To more than they’re meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You’ve made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can’t go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I’m painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It’s time that you won

Falling slowly sing your melody
I’ll sing along

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i’m not that boring

actually. haha. my photos are really suffering from a terrible backlog and that explains the laziness to put up on facebook. furthermore, everyone in europe seems to be going to the same places that it seems rather pointless to post again. inferiority haha photos are not as good.

i’m still not really living it up because after a crazy march, i came back to face the reality of weeks of presentations and essays IN A ROW. which means exploring gets on your conscience and takes out the fun. But wandering around my favorite area of paris yesterday, and talking to my REALLY feminist friend, makes me feel that shucks, i still dont have a favorite bookstore here! But it is getting better because i’m finding more and more and more wonderful patissieres and feeling more and more satisfied with every bite of that croissant amandes avec chocolat. one day, i’m gonna drag my readings and my ass to jardin des plantes or luxembourg or shakesphere and co to not waste the sunshine and try to live life the paris way. one day, when i can afford to lose the time. EXPOSES AND ESSAYS GO AWAY 😦 On top of that the flowers are blooming and with the sun making things as hot as singapore with that sudden chilly wind, i’m definitely loving spring. ^_^

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things you never get used to #1

Beggars.

It is almost three months already. I thought I would have gotten used to them, but no, every time I see them they never fail to imprint my mind. I see at least 2 everyday. They either busk, or simply just say madame, je faim, pitie si vous plait. Some with dogs. Less with cats.

But today.

I walked past this guy who had his head down. He seemed so remorseful I can feel it oozing out of him. Then, next to him, lying on the floor of the smelly smelly metro, was his son. He was about 10 years old, with nothing but just a blanket on. His face was filled with tears as he squeezed his eyes shut and try to ignore everything around him and go to sleep.

It was so damn heart wrenching. I can’t get that face out of my head. If I see them tomorrow I will give them some money. For the boy to get some food and clothes. I wonder what will happen to him in the future. On a random note, he was really good looking. Oh wells.

Stop mulling stop sulking. Start counting my blessing.

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everything will be okay.

that is what i keep telling myself.

when my luggage was lost in Oslo,
when the wind blow so hard i though the house is gonna fall,
when the wind blow so hard and mav and I wanted to pee so bad,
when i fell down three times on the snow and i don’t know how to walk around anymore
when my camera refuse to on
when my iphone refuse to on
when my sis lost her phone (for a moment)
when she lost her bus ticket
when she thought she lost a huge bulk of her money

just to name a few.

but now..
i’m so damn devastated. like so bloddy damn devastated.
my phone swam in water for about a few minutes
and when i got back i was so anxious i did the worst thing that could ever be done – plug in the power.
although now i’m soaking it in the rice,
i’m pretty sure that it is dead. really dead.

and the thing about living in paris is that the only people you can turn to are people who can only speak french
and are mean. most of the time.
how am i going to beg my way to a repaired phone?

and i really don’t wanna replace my phone and to download everything again.

maybe the fengshui master was right.
i shouldn’t have travelled this year.
everywhere i go was plagued with bad weather, and bad incidents.
despite the little blessings that I found along the way
there is always something going wrong that i constantly need to worry about.

it has probably been two weeks since i last had a good sleep.

and now whilst worrying for my phone
i’m worrying about death
i’m worrying about japan
i’m worrying about my sis not enjoying her time here because i’m such a bad host
i’m worrying about my essay due tomorrow
i’m worrying.
i’m worrying.

everything will be okay, mych.

the thing is i have grown so reliant on my phone (ironically i saw the post on ron’s blog which said something similar)
that i dont know what to do without it.
it is my survival kit when i’m all alone in school
it is probably my only way of connecting with my friends
and my mum

and the thing is that idk what to do.
i dont know how to repair the stupid phone or what to do if it is really spoilt.
i can’t buy a stupid iphone here because of all the jailbreak stuff
i dont know if it can be repaired.

on a random note i think i’m gonna fail all my subjects.

i wish i’m happier
and i am because my sis is here
but my mind is filled with so much other worries
that i hate myself for worrying about

i can’t keep calm &

i just can’t let things go.

I so badly want to call my mum
and ask her what to do
because i am dependent this way.
but my sis said ‘why bother mummy if she can’t do anything about it. make her worry only what’.
and im refraining myself (so hard) from getting to the phone and calling her and crying

btw cheryl! if you are reading this, i’m so sorry for delaying payment. will pay you really really soon!

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the little time turner

Looking at photos has this effect, doesn’t it? It brings you back in time and makes you wonder what on earth did I do then? Or you look at photos to simply remind yourself what happened during that time. I always felt surreal when I look back at the photos. I forget the places gone, I forget the things eaten, I forget why the photos are taken. And whenever I look at the photos it will always be “wahhhh where is this ah?” “OH I REMEMBER THIS ONE!” “err. delete” But they serve as very good reminders because some things are not meant to be forgotten.

I realised that it has been a long long time since I last posted photos on facebook. Or rather, updated photos. I think the most recent one (checks Iphoto) was the one on Versailles and that was still when I just found an apartment. Which was almost two months ago? HAHA! No lah, i think it is only one month. Time is passing by so quickly (not so during school hours though) and in a blink of an eye, I have one foot into March, one foot closer to ending this Paris journey, one foot to realise that I have not much time left to truly explore paris and I should stop putting it off (ahya so many days to go see take my time lah).

I am finally able to cross out ITALY from my to-go places although frankly, it had never been on my to-go list. HAHA! This is because I never knew that Venice and Rome were part of that country. It was awesome that place, it really was. It is so much nicer than Paris in terms of things to see, eat and watch. Although it was too (fucking) cold for a spring break and would really be ten times nicer (for all sorts of different reasons HUGE SIGH) if it was warmer, there was always nice surprises everywhere anywhere anytime that made up for the more horrible things.

One of the nicest surprise I can think of now: this uncle aka tour guide aka grandpa aka opera singer. He made Firenze so much more beautiful that it already is. He was filled with so much pride with Firenze that you can feel it oozing out of him. And he sang songs so beautiful on top of a beautiful mountain (hill). He loves Chinese and he loves tourists because tourists are never in a rush for time. He made a church more interesting than just walking around and he walked up a steep hill with us despite an ailing knee just to show us the beauty of Firenze. “I love my town, I love showing it to people so they can love it too” We were dying in the cold and in the wind but Mr Jolly Old Man (I have sadly forgotten his name) made the suffering oh so worth it!

AHHHH I was going to type out 5 most beautiful things from this trip (that I have yet to name it properly. It was supposed to be Jelmer’s YI TA LI but I forgot Jelmer most of the time, so.) but I realised I should sleep so that I can be in time to pick up my sissypoo aka major bitch of the world before embarking on the most expensive trip IN OUR LIVES.

 

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stop making me cry :(

Maybe become a person someone could love
Someone did love you.. and you owe it to her and everyone else you left behind  to not run away. The great man you are talking about to me won’t want to be  a coward.

I destroyed, the only thing I ever loved.

Your world would be easier if I didn’t come back.
That’s true, but it wouldnt be my world without you in it.

WHYYYYYY MUST THEY SPLIT THIS TWO UPPPPPP!

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